Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
