"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
