I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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