I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i out mim tonsoeep
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
