I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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