I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
