she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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