My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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