Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Found your dick twin last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
