Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
