dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
