I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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