i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
