I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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