Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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