my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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