I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
