y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
