She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I cockslap morals
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
