: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
