We're facebook friends in real life
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize