Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
