i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize