He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
