Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
