I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
