no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
