I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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