I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
