I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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