I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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