i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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