Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
