I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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