Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
