What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize