I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
