I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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