DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
