hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
