come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
