I am in a vortex of obligation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize