so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
