Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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