I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
