Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
