I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
