it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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