This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
