How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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