You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
