..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
