Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
