Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
