Don't you send me to vm
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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