no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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