The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
