He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize