well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
