You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dicks are not precious.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
