Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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