how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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