I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
