he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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