From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize