just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
