stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
