So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
