Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
