I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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