Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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