dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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