do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
