idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize