omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
