Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
birth control should be required to get into college
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
