my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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