i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
