i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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