Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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