I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
