Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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