took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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