And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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