i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
