I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Alive.
So much puke
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
