oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
