the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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