can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize