Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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